I will be fine

I will be fine

“I’m fine”, he said with a smile extending from one end to the another.

Little did they know, what was brushed under the carpet,

Little did they know the effort put in to pull off that smile and

Little did they know, that the smile

Was just an effort to keep people away from his life.

He still cared as if she mattered to her the most

He still loved as if she was the only one in the world

Even when he knew, it was not meant to be

Even when he knew, one day she will walk away

Even then he said – “No she is not using me”

He tried to look ahead

He tried to walk ahead, with a strong face

Because no one picked him up

Because no one wanted him to get up

Because he was still waiting for her hand to pull him up

“I see her.

I see her right next to me

I see her smiling right back at me

I see her standing in front of me

With him, instead of being with me”

He took steps to find that love again

He made efforts to fake that smile again

All he could do was pick up the pieces

All he could do was walk away

All he did, was close his eyes

Tears trickled down, holding the pain

He looked up with his moist eyes

“I’m really fine’, he grinned once again

When you tried!

Been a while since I  had my words speak for me,

Been a while since I let her take charge of me

But there is always something in the night

When your eyes go numb and your emotions fight

You try hard

But life always holds the better card

And then all you can do is give up!

It is the month of February – the month of love, the month of those beautiful red roses blossoming love between two souls, strengthening the bonds between hearts- young in love, yet excited about the rad that lies ahead. But is it all that February holds ? What abut the other side? Ever asked that question? If you are wondering what about it? Well, the answer is not that easy.

Everyone remembers that famous line- Love starts with Friendship – but then those words got lost somewhere in the sands of time. As far as I remember, friendship is considered as a curse if it comes between love? Is it really that bad? That bad to love someone and be friends?

It’s rare to find people who understand you, accept you the way you are, love you for who you are and be there for you when the entire world is against you.

They have had their ups and downs
Fights and misunderstandings
Hatred and cold wars
But then every time when someone asks- “after all this while”?
He would just say – Always

It was his favorite lines from the famous Harry Potter Franchise, for the most favorite person in his life.

The night was still young, two glasses of wine and the floor awaited their arrival.

There was happiness in every moment that day

It was music to him – every word she would say

She wore that pretty dress,

And there he was, a usual mess

She stumbled, he laughed

He tripped, she held his arm

 

He knew it was here from the very beginning, but then there was fear- the fear of losing her as the most amazing friend he has had till now, fear of losing her to someone who could love her more, fear of losing her to time – which sure was running out on him.

It was just one of those nights when his thoughts drove him mad, her absence made him shed a tear. He kept it inside his heart, whispered slowly to himself-

“I will always have much more love to give
I don’t know if I do enough or say enough to show you what you mean to me.
But today I just wanna remember that I am lucky to have you with me.”

Those words were etched in that moment, a spark that lit his dark room for a while. They flashed in front of his moist eyes – he could see her smiling through them, he could imagine her reaction when she would hear them, he could feel the beat rising inside his rib cage, he knew it was time to let go.

The phone rang …. the words shimmered for a while more then vanished into thin air- so did hope- as he slid open his screen lock

“No”

 

Frustration – It’s a gradual process

What should I consider it as? A weakness? A strength? Or just probably something that pulls me down every single time.

It may just be ignorance from someone I love

Or words that hurt from someone at work

Sometimes it’s just the absence of someone from the day

Or just the inability to express my feelings in what I say

It builds up, slowly and steadily

Just like the calm before the storm

It won’t come out the instance you want it to

It won’t be shown, but will be figured out only by few

All you want to do is just shout

But you are clueless- what’s this anger about.

That time, you just sit in one corner, try to do your work, try to live your life, try to be normal. You try to portray it to the world that everything is fine, you are happy inside and life is as smooth as butter. But no one is able to see the rage that’s building up inside, the flood of emotions that is rising as the clock ticks by, the frustration slowly kicking in and taking control of you.

Your actions hurt others

The reactions you get, it never really bothers

All you want to do this break away

Just have someone, who can be there and hear you say

There won’t be anyone but

And then you will know the doors are shut

The last ray of hope is gone

The negativity takes over

Anger takes control

The transformation is painful, yet a happy one

Frustration becomes your happy place

Violence is your closure in the coming days

Beware- the animal has been unleashed!

Broken Symmetries

Broken Symmetries

They were meant to be reflections

But harmed each other like deadly infection

They were to converge at some point

Little did they know they were like parallel lines

Drawn way beyond the tipping point

Hatred carved to the utmost perfection

Ever been in that situation where you are just forced to be with them? Even when you don’t want to? Is it actually just too hard to step away, or you just don’t feel like doing that? There is a pinch of hate, a teaspoon of happiness, a tablespoon of sorrow and a bowl full of emotion- perfect recipe for a dish hot served- called love.

He felt it was the best feeling in the world

She never knew it would get so real

His eyes were like a page of emotions never-turned

They could never be fixed as one

Like a broken symmetry, can’t be folded by anyone

Emotions do drive the best of you, or do they get the best of you? It’s hard to pick one statement, especially when the emotion is love. It’s just a four letter word. Surprising how things involving four are symmetrical but this, this is something beyond our thinking.

Take a minute to think about it- ever seen a square? how perfectly it folds on pretty much all it’s symmetry. But when you try the same with love- it ain’t that easy

He was left broken when she left

He cried, but the pain never left

He tried, but ever got what he hoped for

But he didn’t give up, it was too much to ask for

They told him to move on

The damage was done, a thought on which he could brood on

He realized it was something that was never meant to be

Do you see where this is going? Do you see where the heart leads you? Do you still think your mind could do a better job? Hard isn’t it? When you think it is simple as one two three, reality tells you- it’s more complicated.

Alright it can’t be as hard has calculus, you thin. Then life tells you – i am no amateur, increase the complexity.

Try over lapping two semi-circles of different diameters, there is always an excess or you will end up on short of another- seems like that’s how love comes into your life. You are never good enough or sometimes you are just too good.

The power of unrequited love was unique

There was no distributing it into two, like perfect halves

“It only has my right on it”, he said and laughed

He knew what he was about to do, was insanity

But it’s love, an emotion way beyond the understanding of humanity

Sometimes you just have to deal with being not good enough, or with just being extraordinary good. But sometimes, you just have to show – a circle and square might not have the same alignment or symmetry, but a little understanding from both end and one can happily reside into another- I guess we did fix it-

A lost cause

An inability- The Broken Symmetry!

It’s not me, It’s you?

Sitting on a lonely bench, I’m looking at an empty one and contemplating the reasons behind the spectacular fluctuation in the number of people in my life. It boils down to 2 reasons – I revised my definition of friendship and people revised theirs.

I’m worrying about the person who I feel might not be around in the next few years going by how she feels for she someone she dearly loves, for change, oh that’s not me. Is it just about the person i fall for? Nope, pretty much with everyone in my life right now. I have trouble dealing with unrequited friendship. Funny, how in the first place i became friends with the.

I’m scared I’ll never find love again; that I’ll never fall out of love with this one person I didn’t realize I cared so much for – enough for me to have subconsciously accepted that he is my last; that I’ll never be able to whole heartedly love another. People pick things they want from life and I have always wanted a happy love. But I have difficulty even imagining myself in such a state anymore.

Most of all, the realization that there never will be any so called right answers or solutions to these fears is slowly seeping into my brain and numbing me.Growing up is hard. Combine a change in personality itself. Throw in some consistent mood swings. You have me.

This is probably everyone’s story at some point in their lives and we are all fighters. Always only passively resilient, I’m going balls out now and hoping this plan will keep me afloat. Pray for me, as I do for you.

Somethings never change

Been away for a while now

Lost in her thoughts, it’s been a while now

Does she feel for me? Try harder you will figure it out somehow

It just happens to happen again and again

Fall in love, but so hard that it’s just pain

Pick up yourself? Oh no point trying it’s all in vain

Her smile suddenly is what you want to see

Next to her, is the place where you want to be

And then the answer to the  question- do you love me?

It will never be how you think

She will be gone, even before you blink

All you can feel is your heart shrink

You just wanted her to be with you

Love you the way you do

It always ends up, you curled up in pain and rage,

Strange, how some things never change

Her touch made you fly

Distance from her made you cry

Her absence made days sulky and dry

Dreams sometimes are meant to be in a cage

Just like you kept inside your feeling of rage.

Strange, how somethings never change.

 

Endings are always painful

Been a while since my last post.

I started this blog after something ended in my life. It was a way of finding closure, a way to reconstruct my inner self. Let me share somethings based on the same lines

Germany v England

For the tag, it was just a friendly, but what it produced was a statement that England are a force to reckon with in the future. Ever saw names of Kane and Vardy on the same sheet? Yup they are the future of this football team and they sure look one of the likelhoods to end the domination of German and Spanish football from Europe

India v Australia

Many people hate me for supporting Australia despite being an Indian. I am not a huge cricket fan, I just support good people. This is an open attack on all Indian players except Virat Kohli. Slogging your way to wins in T20 doest establish anything. That is why I only appreciate Kohli, because he knows how to play cricket. As for the community, don’t be like Manchester City fans- when they win- “oh dhoni is the best, this that” , when they lose- “his days are over, break his hose this that”. You talk about patriotism? I could totally see that when there were more chants for Pakistan than Australia in their match.

It’s a bitter loss to digest for cricket Australia as T20 still remains the trophy eluded from their cabinet, but there is always a next time.

Thanks Shane Watson, for all the moments and memories. The game will miss you

Adios!

Twists and Turns

Last few days have just been full of ups and downs.

Lets start with the most disappointing part- FC Midtjyland 2-1 Manchester United. A club that is 17 years old, younger than me, only won Danish Super League Title defeats us. I mean what have we come down to. Agreed, we have 12 players on the injury list and David De Gea was the latest one to be added just before the match, but  at least play like Manchester United. The defense line was as static as a snail and the attack was mediocre. The team could feel the absence of Wayne Rooney. I think I would happily support Rio Ferdinand’s tweet that enough time has been given to LVG. The position, points don’t matter, the team has forgotten how to play the United way. With a game against Arsenal coming up, I just pray at least DDG makes a return to the line up.

Let me now shift focus to my emotional life. It is in those cliche phase where you find out that the girl you liked is dating someone else, she has moved on faster than you or rather she doesn’t care about your existence anymore. You cry everyday night to sleep, try to cheer up by trying to hit things off with other prospects, but the only thought in your head is her and her smile. Her voice echoes everyday in your ear and you check your phone a;ways expecting something from her. You promise yourself that you won’t stalk her, you won’t like her pictures but every time you open instagram or ask.fm or snapchat, you automatically want her posts to be there, something about you, something that indicates that she misses you or thinks about you. All you get is, her smiling face or she posting pictures with some other guy. You tell yourself not to cry, not to feel hurt, the pain, but the tears are unstoppable as they come gushing down your cheek and then you just sink back in your pillow screaming which no one can hear. I believe I will be okay soon.

How about we look at the happier side of life? There is this amazing artist in my office, she is kind off cute but don’t get me wrong, she is madly in love with someone else so no chance. Anyways, so we decided how about we combine my sketches and her doodle and start and instagram page. The much needed distraction I needed and of course it felt good. You can check us out at @doodle77sketch. If you like our work, please follow and share.

FINALLY, I WATCHED DEADPOOL. Why did I right that in Caps, because it is FREAKINGAMAZING!!!! Easily one of the craziest marvel movies and Ryan you sure as hell made some chimi fuckin’ changa!. If you haven’t watched it, I advice kindly drop a leave notice in your office/school and go watch it at priority. Because this great ass, who is a bad ass can’t be missed.

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Signing off! Big week coming up at work. Hopefully all goes good. 🙂

ADIOS!