Before I opened this editor to write, I knew I had so many thoughts in my head that needed to come out somewhere. You know that place when you are in, where you can’t scream but you want to.
You want people to hear you, but you can’t.
Or just choking on your own words, feeling burnt down by your own thoughts – so much so that you just want to be liberated of all that is going on.
Maybe that’s the reason I revisited my blog today. I have been writing poems on my Instagram page about how things are not okay, how many people are home but not yet home, how I am not safe at my own home, how people are just pretentious souls that say they are going to be there for you. Interestingly all these hypotheses are being validated – all thanks to the pandemic, and the sheer plight that the world is in.
Not sure how many of you have experienced being that person who is ready to sacrifice everything, or be known as the ultimate giver. If yes, then welcome to a small part of my brain that is weighing me down so heavily. It hurts to see how people are always ready to take but just don’t make you feel loved – because they have other people to love. This is not my jealousy speaking, and nor do I hate these other people – but maybe there is an equilibrium somewhere. Or there is a way to not feel bad about this.
Everyone has the right to chose who they love, who they care for – and I am sure when people pick people, they make the right choices. But what about the ones who don’t get picked despite being the nice people out there? A lot of people tell me that the best way around that is to love yourself.
Really? Haven’t we already established the fact that humans are needy and dependent? If self-love was really a concept, our race would have never expanded, every single would have been an introvert and the world would be different as we know it.
So, I say to these caretakers who think loving your self can fix the urge of being loved and cared by someone else – PLEASE STOP. It is not easy to give so much and not expect anything in return without showing it. And for those who share the same spot as I do every day – well my friend, it is a harsh world out there. Some times it is not easy being a nice person – maybe that’s why the words don’t come out when you the person you thought were close to, have stronger bonds with someone else.
I’d say there is no way around this, because that’s how I am wired, and I will keep crying about it to myself. There is no way I can make people see this side of me – because when they need saving, I have to be strong for them
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