Sitting on a lonely bench, I’m looking at an empty one and contemplating the reasons behind the spectacular fluctuation in the number of people in my life. It boils down to 2 reasons – I revised my definition of friendship and people revised theirs.
I’m worrying about the person who I feel might not be around in the next few years going by how she feels for she someone she dearly loves, for change, oh that’s not me. Is it just about the person i fall for? Nope, pretty much with everyone in my life right now. I have trouble dealing with unrequited friendship. Funny, how in the first place i became friends with the.
I’m scared I’ll never find love again; that I’ll never fall out of love with this one person I didn’t realize I cared so much for – enough for me to have subconsciously accepted that he is my last; that I’ll never be able to whole heartedly love another. People pick things they want from life and I have always wanted a happy love. But I have difficulty even imagining myself in such a state anymore.
Most of all, the realization that there never will be any so called right answers or solutions to these fears is slowly seeping into my brain and numbing me.Growing up is hard. Combine a change in personality itself. Throw in some consistent mood swings. You have me.
This is probably everyone’s story at some point in their lives and we are all fighters. Always only passively resilient, I’m going balls out now and hoping this plan will keep me afloat. Pray for me, as I do for you.
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